Horse Manure Park

We are back safe and sound from our trip out to Bismarck. The drive was uneventful both there and back, which is always a good thing. Now Thanksgiving is over. Come to think of it, this is the last day of November. The countdown to Christmas is officially on. On Thanksgiving day we went over to John and Becky Walker's. We had a nice visit and good food. John smoked a turkey and it was excellent! The next day we were off to Bismarck and I entertained myself by trying to take advantage of the lowest gas price possible along the way. The lowest: Stamart in Glyndon, Minnesota. $1.52/gallon on Friday afternoon. When we came back on Sunday it had risen by 12 cents. I still don't understand that. I don't think I ever will. Anyway, we had a good time at Jon and Sara's, saw all of the inlaws and outlaws, ate way too much great food, of course. The cousins had a fun time with each other. It wasn't too long ago when I was a little gremlin getting into trouble wit...

Early morning solace at my house. Everyone is asleep except me. The coffee is brewed which has mercifully masked the stench of stale dog farts (Martha had an upset stomach yesterday) and the sun is thinking about rising once again. This is my quiet time. The big highlight this week is, of course, Thanksgiving. We plan on going over to my cousins, John and Becky Walker (who live across the street), for dinner. We haven't seen them for a while, so it will be nice to visit with them. Then on Friday we are heading to Bismarck, North Dakota, to Jon and Sara's place (Beth's sister) for a weekend get-together with the Dau family. There's really not much else going on this week. Last night I stayed up until 1:00 a.m. plotting out maps of Algeria and Tunisia for my upcoming blog "Oak Valley to Po Valley." That was, of course, after the Monday night game. Most people probably would have stopped watching that game in the fourth quarter. I, however, popped open...

Just another evening at home, waiting for the clock to tell me it is time to go back to the job. I've been channel surfing, trying to find a decent football game to watch, but I am not having much luck. The Texas Tech/Oklahoma game was hyped like crazy by ABC and it has been a laugher. I stopped watching in the second quarter. I haven't heard how the big "count" is going between Franken and Coleman. Just think, 2.9 million votes to be counted by hand. Gee, there's no room for human error there, is there?! CNN had a headline saying " Minnesota Senate race recount could get ugly " as if the whole campaign has been smiles and pats on the back? Someone is going to have to concede and I don't see either side doing that. This will drag on and on -- at the taxpayers' expense, by the way. As usual, I'm not one to complain about something without offering a fair and balanced solution. This is how you solve the problem: A nationwide pay-per-vie...

Ava and I had our daily tea party today. Sorry Stacy, there are no pictures of me, but here's the proof that we actually do have tea parties! (Note the dates are wrong on the pictures... Ava was not yet born on Jan. 20, 2006. These were taken Nov. 19, 2008. I have to figure out this stupid camera). You can click on each image to enlarge it. "Pinky" the unicorn is force fed her tea. Ava prepares tea for "Pecos" the horse. Dora and I share a cup of tea (those are my hairy, smelly legs). Your hostess. Ava shares her tea with the ever-patient and ever-suffering Gracie. You can see the concern written on Gracie's face: "What's this kid going to do next?" I hope you enjoyed our tea party. Come again!

This morning on my way home from work, I noticed gas was $1.84 per gallon. Tonight it is $1.79 per gallon. Just a couple months ago gasoline was almost $4.oo per gallon here in Baxter. In just two or three months, the price of gas has fallen over 55%. How can that possibly be? I thought oil was a "quickly vanishing natural resource," which was part of the reason gas prices were so high. I thought another part of the problem was because hurricanes destroyed two or three major oil rigs in the Gulf of Mexico late last summer. We were told it could take years to rebuild after such a disaster, and thus the price of gas would remain very high, because the ability to produce enough oil had been greatly reduced. And now, very quickly and very mysteriously, everything has gotten better. Know what? I bet a magical oil fairy has come along and sprinkled pixie dust on all the fat oil companies. And through some kind of enchanting spell, oil prices have plummeted. Know what else? I...

It is Monday evening. At my house, Monday evening means sitting and watching football. Gosh, I suddenly have this sense of deja vu. Didn't I just write that? Weird. I noticed this evening that some of my neighbors already have their Christmas lights out. There's something about putting your Christmas lights up before Thanksgiving that just violates some kind of rule in my book (hey, they're my rules... I make 'em up as I go). You know, people complain that Christmas comes earlier every year (which isn't true at all, Christmas always comes on December 25th). But if people have such a problem with Christmas coming too early, why do they put their lights out in mid-November? Aren't they contributing to the problem? Let's all stop and think, What would Paul Wellstone do? Sorry, that's an inside joke with myself. At work, I often park next to a bleeding liberal who has wallpapered their car with Obama, Greenpeace and PETA bumper stickers, and some mor...

It's Sunday. My house on Sunday means sitting and watching football. Just like Thursday. And Friday. And Saturday. And Monday. It looks like it's snowed almost half an inch this morning and big flakes are still fluttering down in slow motion. It is finally starting to look like winter, and to tell the truth it is kind of a welcome sight. I guess I better clarify what I mean by that before I regret saying it. Yesterday while driving around, I said to my bride, "I love fall, but I hate this time of year. Everything looks brown and gray, bare and dead. The sun is too low in the sky and sets far too soon, and it's getting colder and colder. I wish it would snow to brighten things up." Now that we have a coating of squeaky new snow, things don't seem as drab. The State Farm guy came out yesterday and they will cover quite a few things, but he rattled stuff off so fast, speaking in his special Insurance Man Dialect, that I didn't catch 10% of it. Not ...

Not much to say today. I should have something to write about tomorrow, though. Supposedly -- allegedly -- a State Farm adjuster is coming out tomorrow to look at our roof. It has been two weeks since I filed the claim and I am quickly failing to see the benefit of having an agent in town. Actually my State Farm agent doesn't even know who I am, but he definitely wanted my vote two years ago when he ran for state representative. That was a funny day. He (his name is Paul Gazelka; what's the point in hiding his identity?) rang the door bell one Saturday afternoon and I thought he dropped in to see how things were going, one of those "I really appreciate your business and was wondering if there's anything I can do for you, Sam?" kind of visits. For 2.12 seconds, I was very impressed. Then he opened his mouth. He handed me a campaign flyer and asked me for my vote in November. I told him that I was a client of his and he did one of those fake, "Oh, of cour...

I don't understand the inner workings of a dog's mind. How do they know certain things? I woke up at the ridiculous hour of 4:30 AM (I got my four hours of sleep, which I guess is all I'm supposed to get). When I awoke, I simply opened my eyes. I didn't shift in the bed, I didn't yawn, I didn't move a limb, I merely opened my eyes . Our boxer, Gracie, somehow knew immediately I was awake, as evidenced by her stubby tail swishing in the sheets (translation: "I know that you know that I know you're awake and you might as well take me out for my morning dump now, because I will harass you without mercy until you do."). Once I'm awake, I'm awake. I didn't fight the inevitable, so I got up and took out the dogs. I brewed a fresh pot of coffee (Folgers Breakfast Blend) and decided to partake in the only vice I have in my life: enjoying a fine cigar. So went out to the garage, lit up an Iguana ( hecho a mano in the Dominican Republi...

Ava helped me unload the dishwasher last night -- she's always trying to be helpful. We had a nice father-daughter talk as we put the dishes away. I wanted to remember it, so I wrote it down while it was fresh in my memory. It went like this: Me: Thank you for helping me, Ava. Ava: Where's mama? Me: She went to work, remember? Ava: Don't worry, Papa. She'll be back later. Me: Yep, later tonight. Ava: I'm a truuuuue princess. Me: Yes you are. Ava: Don't forget your life jacket. Me: What? Ava: So we can be safe. Me: Yes, that's important isn't it? ...Say, give me that knife, sweetie, it's very sharp. Be careful! (she hands me a steak knife) Thank you. Ava: You're welcome. Good manners, Papa. Me: Thanks, Ava. Ava: Ummm... Papa? Me: Yes? Ava: I don't wanna go potty. Me: Well, you don't have to go if you don't need to go. Ava: Okay. (a brief moment of silence) ...Papa? Me: Yes? Ava: Can we have costumes? Me: Costumes?...

I noticed that 334 people have visited my blog since I started counting 18 days ago. Good heavens, the pressure is on! I better get up-to-date here. My readers await me! Could I get more full of myself? Yeah, I probably could... Beth is at work, Ava is watching "Maggie and the Ferocious Beast," a cartoon about a little girl with a very active imagination (hmmm... fitting my daughter should be watching it), so this is a good time to catch up on my blog. A light snow is falling outside, much to Ava's excitement. She's already asked 14 times to go out and make a snowman. I've already explained 14 times that we don't have enough snow yet, but her neurons are not making that connection. Some things cannot be processed by a two year old mind. "Not enough snow" is one of them. "Daddy stands up to tinkle because he's a boy" is another one. But we won't get into that today. Today is Veterans Day, or if you are old school, Armistice...

Today would have been your 80th birthday. When I think of you today, I wonder how things might have been. I bet we would have done something special for you today, to celebrate this milestone in your long, rich life. I bet we would have had a sur prise party for you, on this cold November afternoon. I bet you would have pretended to be upset with us for giving you so much attention. I bet you would have said something like, "Shame on you!" Or (more likely), "You damn kid s!" I bet you would have said it with tears in your eyes. I bet you would have been glowing, surrounded by your grandchildren and great-grandchildren on this special day. I bet we would have had chocolate cake and strong coffee, ham sandwiches with lots of butter and your homema de dill pickles. I bet we would have talked about the snow we got last night, and a new recipe you found in Good Housekeeping. I bet you would have told us about the new quilt you had just started, and the beautiful cedar wa...

Some of you may already know I really enjoy "The Onion," a fake news web site which is very funny, very clever and very well written. Their comedy reminds me of George Carlin's cynical view of the world. It certainly isn't for everyone and they tend to sprinkle their "news" coverage with plenty of colorful adult words. The Onion's headline after Obama was elected read as follows: Nation Finally Shitty Enough To Make Social Progress Click on the headline to read the article -- it is funny, yet very true (contains adult language). Another good one: Black Man Given Nation's Worst Job ___ In other news, tomorrow is a very special day. Come back then to see why.

I spent last night watching history unfold. It certainly was a night to remember. I even gave up a college football game on ESPN2 to watch the election results. Now that is pretty amazing. I worked last night, and whenever the opportunity presented itself, I turned on a television in an empty room to see how the Minnesota senate election was panning out. At 6:00 AM it was tied. This afternoon Coleman and Franken are separated by something like 475 votes, with 100% precincts reporting. Can you believe that? Out of 2.8 million votes cast, they are separated by just 475. Look at it this way; picture the Rose Bowl filled to capacity. Now picture 28 of those stadiums laid side-by-side. That’s about 2.8 million people. Now picture the Falls Ballroom in Little Falls, Minnesota, filled to capacity. That’s about 475 people. Twenty-eight Rose Bowls are separated by one Falls Ballroom. Wow. So the ugliest campaign in Minnesota political history will now progress into the ugliest post-...

Ava started watching "Sweeping Booty" and fell asleep on the floor. I will let her snooze for a little while, but not too long. She doesn't like to go to bed if she naps, but if she doesn't nap, she becomes a blood-thirsty beast. Okay, that's a little overboard... but a tired, crabby toddler isn't much fun. We spent much of the afternoon outside, enjoying this amazing late fall day. It hit at least 65 degrees today with brilliant sunshine. Days like this make you feel like everything's good in the world, even if it's just for a little while. I filed a claim today with State Farm and I am waiting for an adjuster to call me. Last year at this time we filed a claim for our camper and the adjuster was on a hunting trip. We'll see how long it takes him to call us to set up an appointment. *** Well, we are on the eve of what will be the most historic election in our nation's history. According to CNN, we are about to elect the first person of...

Up and out of the house early this morning. Korey, Travis and I headed to the Dome to see the Vikings play the Texans. We had a great time and saw a good game. The Vikings won, 28-21. One thing to say about an NFL game, the pace is very, v-e-r-y s-l-o-w . There are official time-outs, injury time-outs, television time-outs, time-out time-outs. And with each time-out, the NFL feels obligated to entertain the monkeys in the stands (a.k.a. football fans). For our neanderthal entertainment value, we got to see golfing cheerleaders, rocket launched tee shirts, and air guitar competitions to name just a few. When, in the name of Bud Grant, did this crap become necessary at a football game? Personally speaking, I really don't need to be entertained every living, breathing moment of a game. Actually, you want to know a secret? The real entertainment comes from the drunks sitting around you who expound their football wisdom after fueling up on beer during the tailgate party. The ...

We’ve had a whirlwind of activity here over the last couple of days. Let’s see if I can catch up. First, here’s a little something to jot down in my notebook of life’s lessons: second opinions are a good thing. On Friday afternoon, Bob Ryan and his business partner (who were recommended by Jon and Charlotte) came out and looked at our roof. Actually, a better word is they examined our roof for over an hour and they traced the leak to a damaged air vent. They actually crawled up inside the rafters and found wet insulation and an obvious point of entry, so they were almost 100% positive this was the source of the problem. They also said our shingles needed replacing (which I knew), and recommended that we call our insurance agent and have an adjuster come out. We have nothing to lose, that’s for sure. The best news is they said our sheetrock did not look damaged at all, so nothing inside the house needs to be replaced. We have an ugly water stain, but no permanent damage. It’s not...