Horse Manure Park

A chilly April morning. Overcast skies. Snowing just north of us. Yesterday it was 70ºF. Go figure. This is a good time to sit inside with a cup of coffee and catch up a bit. We took advantage of a beautiful sunny day yesterday to get outside and accomplish a few overdue tasks. Most significantly (for me), I bought a new grill. I believe this is the third one I've owned since buying our house 16 years ago. I use and abuse my grills until they literally fall apart.  That's true for most things in my life. The first grill I bought, years ago, was a colossus: a four burner with BTUs the equivalent of a small sun. It also had one of those sidecar thingamajigs for boiling a pot of water or frying a pan of bacon.  It was a nice feature and a great selling point which I used exactly once .  Yes, I paid way too much for it. I was caught up in the excitement of being a new home owner... I could grill when and where I wanted on the premises of my very ...

Sinatra once sang, "Regrets, I've had a few. But then again, too few to mention." I'm happy to say that  line applies to my life for the most part, although if I could hop in a time machine there is one thing I would change. You see, my children never met my parents. Even though the circumstances were far beyond my control, I have always felt guilty about that. I know this is irrational thinking. When I graduated from high school there is no way I could have known I would lose my mother in less than two years. Indeed, no one can see into the future (and that might be the greatest gift God has ever given us). But the guilt remains: Deep inside my psyche I fear I've cheated my kids. Because of this, I talk about my parents frequently with my girl and boy. I tell them stories all the time; things my dad would do or something my mom would say. At least once every summer we make sure to camp at "the farm," as we call it; this is where my parents liv...

I'm attempting to make a few changes today, because I know when there's too much on my plate. I am speaking in figurative terms here. I never seem to know when there's literally too much on my plate. I eat everything within my ZIP code (figuratively). Especially pastries. I love me some pastries. But let me get back to my original thought... whatever that was. I shouldn't have mentioned doughnuts. Oh yeah, I was talking about changes.... Today I opted not to renew the domain name for my football web site (thelonepylon.com). It was a difficult decision, but this is about knowing one's limits: there are not enough minutes in the day for me to keep a fantasy football site up-to-date with accurate and timely information. The problem is this: I am gainfully employed, I have a couple of tax deductions, and occasionally I try to be a reasonably adequate husband. (You know, minor details.) This means something's got to give. And why pay money for a d...

Being a dad is a reciprocal thing.  I teach my children well their father's hell (to borrow a line from an old song) and they, in turn, teach me. A delightful aspect of having Tax Deductions is they tell you the truth.   They don't filter anything. "Dad, you smell bad." "Dad, you look nice." "Dad, you need to shave." "Dad, you have a booger on your chin." I appreciate the truth.  I like to be told how it is.  This is true in all aspects of my life; I dislike political correctness with a passion.  Over the years, Americans have hidden Truth (with an intentional capital "T") behind a wall of euphemisms and it is partly the reason why our country is in its current condition.   It has made us soft as a people.  We no longer face issues head-on.  The raw, naked truth hurts.  And Americans don't like to hear the truth. Fat people are no longer fat.  They are "metabolically challenged."  Ug...

If you have a child with a relentless cough, rub Vicks VapoRub on the soles of their feet, then cover them with a pair of socks. It really works .   I don't know why it works, and perhaps the better question is why anyone even think to try it?  But it works. Anyway, more about that later. It would appear it is time for what seems to be my monthly installment here at "The Park."  Don't get me wrong, I write frequently, but that's all done over at my other site, The Lone Pylon . And if you aren't interested in football, that ain't for you. I should at least write something  weekly , like an Andy Rooney piece.  Except I'm not Andy Rooney.   Heck, I'm not even Mickey Rooney.   I'm much taller.  And I'm not dead yet. ~ Since last time I joined you, school has started and the Boy and the Girl have entered yet another new chapter in their lives.   The Girl is now in third grade and the Boy has sta...

On occasion I have a day alone with the Boy and the Girl and we try to do something fun for breakfast.  Today, pancakes were requested and I delivered... big time. Because we didn't just have " pancakes" .  Oh no! Today was Aquatic Pancake day!  (I excel in improvisation.  Bear with me.) Aquatic pancakes... they are almost too good to eat. The Girl (with a mouthful of Stingray-cake) tries to smile as she shows off my Angelfish-cake. The Boy with a Sea Turtle-cake (which looks remarkably similar to a Starfish-cake) and Octopus-cake (his request). The Boy and the Girl ate themselves to the point of nearly exploding.  Success!  For a while this morning I was thinking I was pretty cool... perhaps the smartest dad on the planet. Then I got this in the mail.  I can take a hint. Somebody in Los Banos, California, seems to think I should tap my potential.   Nothing like falling back to earth with a dull thud. ...... ..... ....

When I woke up this morning, I thought I would make good use of the day. I decided to give the Boy some lessons on geography.  Using a small globe, I began teaching him the locations of Africa, Australia, North America, Madagascar, etc. He seemed to catch on rather quickly and I was feeling quite proud. After a quick overview, I asked him, "What should we find next?" His first geographical question:   "Where's Costco?" Yep.  Time for another adult beverage for Dad. Searching for Costco.

Sometimes you just have to take off the training wheels. Literally. One of the goals of summer 2014 was to free the Girl of the bondage of training wheels.  And for a while, I didn't think it was going to happen. Back in May, the Girl decided it would be a good idea to wait until her "half birthday" (six months after her birthday), which would be in August. That was fine, said I.  We'll do it when you're ready.  But once the training wheels come off, they aren't going back on . That was the deal. So yesterday, the Girl and I enjoyed a "father/daughter" day.  We went to Applebee's (her favorite restaurant) for lunch and spent some quality time together. The Girl and her dad at Applebee's, 14 July 2014 After a feast of mozzarella sticks and cheeseburgers (and a blue ribbon brownie, of course) we waddled home.  Soon, the Girl decided she wanted to ride her bike and she asked me to help her. I told her she really didn't ...

...you might be asking me. Holy Cow... okay, a promise to my blog readers (for those who bother to even stop by anymore because I never update) I will update more often.  Really, I will.  (And yes, I know I said that in the last sentence of my last blog update back in August).  Sheesh. Honestly, two updates in the past four weeks.  This has been my longest dry spell in the blogging world since I started doing this thing back in 2007.  That's just awful.  I guess having a kindergartner and a two year old who keeps me on my toes every waking moment are taking their toll.  So what's new?  Probably not a whole lot.  Ava's first day of kindergarten was on September 6th and so far everything is going very well.  I hope I didn't just jinx myself by saying that... I had an eye appointment last Monday and the optometrist was younger than me.  The older I get the more I realize that I'm getting older.  So the doc said my eyes...

Well, my daughter finally got to the point of being so frustrated because she couldn't tie her shoes that she actually sat down and let me show her how.  It is sort of funny because I remember learning to tie my shoes under similar circumstances.  She's very proud of herself!  July 11, 2011     They took away the tee at tee ball last night.  But Ava hit the ball well.  Here's a couple of pics of the action... Look at that form! Ready to run to second base. That's all for now!

It was a rainy day yesterday, so I decided to catch up on some low-priority tasks, such as updating my iTunes with some old songs from my CD collection. It turned out to be a very interesting day of reflection for me. In mid-1994 I bought Counting Crows' album "August and Everything After." It remains one of my favorites, but one song in particular really moves me, even to this day.  Actually, it helped change my life.  You see, music does that to me. A little background: 1994 was a blur to me. I was going through a very tough time. I was 24 years old, had a worthless (so it seemed) bachelor's degree and suddenly I found myself going through a divorce, which totally blindsided me. My life was a screwed up mess.  I had no direction.   Life had no meaning.  I was angry.  I was lost.  It would have been easy to give up. I sure as hell wasn't interested in women. I tried dating, but I hated it. Women were nothing but trouble, anyway. The...

We spent a nice Sunday together.  We took a trip to the Pine Grove Zoo in Little Falls.  It is a small zoo, never to be confused with the Minnesota Zoo, but it was just the right size for a four year old with a short attention span.  Actually, it was very clean and very well kept - I have to admit I was impressed. There were tigers and bears, a mountain lion, a "mean wolf" (which Ava was preoccupied with - I'm not quite sure why), bear cubs (fun to watch), a petting zoo, elk, deer, emu [what is the plural of emu... emi?  emus?]... I'm not quite sure... and a variety of birds and other little four-legged creatures. But of all the animals, a silly old gentle donkey was Ava's favorite: I know she would have taken "Rosie" home with her if she could. After the zoo, we made the mandatory stop at Dairy Queen, and then made our way back home.  A fun day being Mom and Dad!

Here is one to share at Ava's high school graduation party. Tonight I was feeding Neil when I heard her yell from the bathroom, "Daddy!  Come here!" I got up and walked to the bathroom to find Ava sitting on the toilet. "Come here, Dad!" she insisted with a smile on her face. I came closer.  "What do you want?" "Smell it!!" she proudly exclaimed. That's my daughter.  I'm so proud.

Had a pleasant surprise last night... got a call around 9:15 PM asking if I wanted to stay home on call.  Of course I do!  I was sure I would get called in at some point during the night, but the phone never rang.  Either that, or I never heard it ring.  Oops..... Beth and I watched the Academy Awards on Sunday.  For the second year in a row the winner of "Best Picture" was a film I had never heard of.  Last year, I think, was "Slumdog Millionaire."  This year it was "The Hurt Locker."  Never heard of it. In fact, many of the nominees for the acting awards were totally unknown to me.  Several winners were unknown as well.  Mo'Nique won for Best Support Actress.  Christoph Waltz won for Best Supporting Actor.  Not saying these folks are not brilliant at what they do, just saying I never watch movies anymore -- at least not new movies.  I've often got Turner Classic Movies or Fox Movie Classics on the tube.  ...

Well, my daughter has me perplexed.  Since my last entry she's not had a fever and her appetite has been that of a small water buffalo.  There is no way she could have had the full-blown flu, as was my first fear.  I am trying to convince myself this was a side effect of her flu shot, but that theory doesn't hold water either.  Her temperature was far too high and it came 72 hours after the shot, which was too late. The important thing is she's feeling back to normal. Then last night, since Ava was feeling better, we baked cookies.  All was going well until she thought it was a good idea to smell the cookies on the baking sheet fresh out of the oven... No!  Stop!    It wasn't as bad as it could have been, but her top lip is sort of "trout" looking this morning.  She sort of resembles a cute version Angelina Joline (one of the ugliest women on the face of the planet, in my opinion). But the lesson was learned.  Even the most vig...

Blech... had a bad night last night.  Ava got sick at school, puked a couple times in class... then spiked a 102 temperature. We've been "nursing" her along today, knowing there is no sense in even trying to see a doctor.  We will have to pay money to be told the following: "push the fluids and alternate Tylenol and Motrin to keep her fevers down."  Then we'll be instructed to "be sure she's urinating and when she cries be sure she has tears."  Then will come the whole "it is a viral infection and there's nothing else to do but ride it out" bit. There, I just saved time and money. It seems her flu shot was too little, too late.  Last night the adventure continued.  She threw up in bed and spiked another temp of 102.3.  I laid with her all night and kept an eagle eye on her fitful sleep.  She seemed a little better today; at least she kept some food down.  She is not running a fever at the moment, so I am going to try to lay...

Forty-eight hours, 1,763 curse words, 269 head-scratchings and 122 mosquito bites later, it's done. My PVC pipe idea worked as well as it did for Pharoh Horus Aha of Egypt (First Dynasty)...  Three pieces of four foot, three inch PVC pipe can transport a 500+ pound piece of playground equipment with ease.  Physics are awesome.  The Egyptians are even awesomer. A funny story with the PVC pipe:  we went to Home Depot with the intention of buying a 10 foot section of PVC pipe and have them cut it for us (it's a little cheaper that way).  The store was nearly empty when we got there at 8:15 AM; however, there was no "customer associate" to be found in the plumbing section, where shelf upon shelf of PVC pipe lay, just waiting for my wallet.  After five minutes of standing around, somebody came along and asked us if we needed help.  After getting over the shock of actually being acknowledged, we said (rather sarcastically) "That would be great!"...

It's time I update here.  A few things have been going on. First, the big news:  Ava started preschool on Sept. 15th.  We all went together to the school early Tuesday morning and Ava took it all in stride, although Mom didn't really want to leave.  Ava seemed to like it and she's looking forward to going back tomorrow (she goes Tuesdays and Thursdays). Ready for her first day of school.  She had to put on her green necklace and her duck necklace which she won while playing bingo at Farm Fest (we put them in the backpack when we got to school).  I thought it was pretty cute.  8 Early this morning, my brother-in-law, Tom, and I went to Elk River to get a playset for my two munchkins.  It is Elizabeth and Blair's old playset, and it is going to work great.  It is really big, really heavy and wasn't really made to be dismantled and transported with ease, shall we say.  We separated it in three big sections, loaded it on Tom's huge traile...