Horse Manure Park

There has not been a live sporting event on television for a couple of months now and I'm reaching the depths of despair.  The wide world of sports have always been one of my main escapes from the real world and I'm not afraid to confess that I really, really   miss it. So how desperate am I to watch a little friendly competition? Well, yesterday I watched Korean baseball.  For real. Korean baseball.  The game featured the Samsung Lions versus the LG Twins. The game interested me deeply because my Samsung television is connected to an LG soundbar. I mean, what are the chances? (Trust me, I can't make this stuff up).  Members of the LG Twins, whose names I cannot pronounce. As the contest unfolded, the broadcasters (who were quarantined in their own hotel rooms, watching the game on t.v.) remarked that Korean baseball was different from Japanese baseball, which itself was different from American baseball.  To be honest, it looked like baseball to me. And it ...

Why is it that we don't really know that much about a person or their accomplishments until after they've passed away?  I'm not sure why it works that way, but it seems to be one of life's truths. Perhaps it is our natural inclination to be modest about ourselves.  Most of us simply have a tendency to minimize what we've done in life, no matter how big or small, and it isn't until we pass that others celebrate our life that was. You could say it's one of the tragedies of life. I'm thinking of this today for a number of reasons.  First, my uncle and aunt recently passed away (in September and February, respectively).  At both of their funerals, in place of a eulogy, the minister asked the congregation to share a stories and memories. It was an opportunity to laugh, cry and reflect on a life well lived. In a short time, many stories were told - most of which I had never heard - and I found myself thinking, "I wish I had known that before....

Let the shingling begin. My roof is being torn off as I write this. These guys are moving fast. I stopped by city hall yesterday morning and was raped for $70 for my little piece of paper that said it was okay to put new shingles on my house. Ridiculous. To make matters worse, the building inspector was a pompous bastard. But I guess when you get to call the shots and no one can challenge your authority, you can be King Shit of Turd Mountain. Pardon my French. So another working weekend is upon us. We get a nice little double whammy this time around -- not only is there a full moon on Saturday, but it's also fishing opener at 12:01 AM Saturday morning. Oh, such lucky health care workers we are. The hard core fishermen are fine, because they are here for all the right reasons. It's all the yahoos who file up in their Escalades and Land Rovers from the bowels of the suburbs and pretend to be outdoorsmen for the weekend. They drink too much and forget the laws of gravity...

Porky's Revenge was the third installment of the Porky's movie trilogy of the '80's. Twenty-five years later "Porky's Revenge" it has a whole new meaning. Probably just like you, I'm sitting here waiting to die of the swine flu. According to CNN, that's what I should be doing. We're all doomed. We're all going to die. It's just a matter of time. I am appalled (but not at all surprised) at how "dramatic" the media is making this. They are definitely hyping this to the limit. CNN even has swine flu theme music prior to their swine flu updates, which seem to come every 6 to 8 swine flu m inutes. Don't misunderstand me -- I know it is important to make people aware of this situation, but how carried away can the press get? At last count there have been 96 confirmed cases of the swine flu in the U.S. (in a country of 303 million people) and, unfortunately, one confirmed death. I swear one could almost hear the champag...

There is a commercial on television which has fascinated me for a couple months. I think it's worthy of blogging about. The delightful Jamie Lee Curtis is the spokeswoman for this product and she tells us Dannon Activia yogurt guarantees digestive regularity in two weeks or your money back. To put in more bluntly, if you eat Dannon Activia, they'll guarantee you'll crap in two weeks. Or your money back. Seems like a pretty safe guarantee to me. And what happens if you don't drop the babies off at the pool within that time frame? I mean, how can you possibly PROVE you haven't pooped for two weeks? Perhaps send the good folks at Dannon a jar of air? Just a thought. And I think it's a pretty good one. If you have any insight, let me know. This is compelling stuff to my adolescent, scatological mind. Jamie Lee Curtis guarantees Dannon Activia will make you go number two in two weeks. Or your money back.

I sat down tonight and thought it would be kind of fun to watch some high school basketball, since the Minnesota state tournament is going on right now. I have to admit I ended up changing the channel after about 20 minutes. You see, at some point in the last couple of decades, basketball stopped becoming a team sport. What I saw tonight was a bunch of selfish, three-point shooting showboats, with no concept of teamwork, no respect for the game, no respect for their opponents and certainly no respect for the officials. It was absolutely disgusting and I sure won't waste my time watching the remainder of the tournament this weekend. The old saying is true: You reap what you sow. And the prevailing "winning is everything" attitude which these kids have been raised on has sown a whole lot of crap.

Beth got an unexpected day off today (she got to stay home due to low census at the hospital), so we all got to spend the day together, which usually only happens every other Saturday and Sunday. We took advantage of the day and got Ava's new room rearranged so she can move in when the baby arrives. Yeah, it's still just March, but July will be here so quickly that I know we won't be ready. We've (slowly) learned to do things now rather than say, "that's something we should do one of these days." "One of these days" always seems to be tomorrow until it becomes today and you suddenly don't have done what you meant to do. I'm not sure if that made sense? Oh well, I knew what I meant. I think. Beth has joined Facebook, so you'll have to pardon me if my blogging slows down a bit. She is now on the computer more than I am. In fact, I had to wait for her to go to bed tonight before I even dared to approach the keyboard. Maybe I ...

Has anyone seen this Vince guy on t.v.? You know who I'm talking about, right? That annoying spikey-haired dude who whores out crappy products like "Shamwow" and "Slapchop"? I was watching one of his commercials for "Slapchop" tonight and I was startled when he proudly proclaimed, "You're gonna love my nuts." I'll give the guy credit, he'll do anything to sell a product. Just had to share that.