Horse Manure Park

Porky's Revenge was the third installment of the Porky's movie trilogy of the '80's. Twenty-five years later "Porky's Revenge" it has a whole new meaning. Probably just like you, I'm sitting here waiting to die of the swine flu. According to CNN, that's what I should be doing. We're all doomed. We're all going to die. It's just a matter of time. I am appalled (but not at all surprised) at how "dramatic" the media is making this. They are definitely hyping this to the limit. CNN even has swine flu theme music prior to their swine flu updates, which seem to come every 6 to 8 swine flu m inutes. Don't misunderstand me -- I know it is important to make people aware of this situation, but how carried away can the press get? At last count there have been 96 confirmed cases of the swine flu in the U.S. (in a country of 303 million people) and, unfortunately, one confirmed death. I swear one could almost hear the champag...

Yes, TGIM -- Thank God It's Monday . Yeah, I'm alive. Sort of. My long stretch of work is done. The weekend sucked -- busy at work and very little sleep at home. Man, I wish I could share with you some of the stuff I've seen over the past seven days -- the crazies came out of the woodwork, kind of like those damn Asian beetles. But because of confidentiality laws (and because I need my job) I can't say a word. But I think I can at least say there are some big time nut-jobs in my fair community; I am entitl ed to my opinion, right? I don't think that's violating anything. I wrote down a list of things to do on my days off, but I seemed to have lost the list. I guess I'll just sit here and drink. I have no choice.

The windows were open today... spring has finally arrived (for good this time I think!). Sara and Jon had a bouncing baby boy late last night. Jacob Scott (or maybe Jakob or Jaycob or J-Kahb??). He was over 8 pounds and 22 inches long (give or take, I didn't get the exact details from my beloved). It was a rough delivery, however, and he was placed in the neonatal ICU, but it sounds like everything will be okay. Please keep them in your prayers. It believe we will have new shingles on our house as early as next weekend. I met with our contractor this afternoon and we've got everything rolling. It will be nice to have that job done. Well, it's about time to go to work. Here comes the weekend. I just dread it.

It's time to go back to work already. Crap. We had a fun weekend. Beth did her glucose tolerance test on Friday and as far as I know all went well. We are just three months away and counting. I've said it before, I just can't believe how fast this pregnancy has gone... at least that's my perception. I'm sure my wife would have a little something different to say. We went to grandma and grandpa's on Saturday afternoon, bought a bunch of beef from Scott and had a delicious lunch at the Dau's. The Budahn's came up on Saturday afternoon and stayed at one of the water parks in town, so when we got back to Brainerd, we met them for dinner at El Tequila, and Brian and I had one of their bigger-than-your-head margaritas. We then went back to the water park and enjoyed a few beverages and had a very nice, long-overdue visit. The evening ended far too early, but it was a good time. We had a very lazy Sunday yesterday (but some times you just gotta do that)...

My wife bought a ham tonight by the brand name of "Frick's" And I do have to admit, that Frickin' ham looks pretty tasty.

Brian finds this pretend Elton John thing extremely boring. "It's pretty good money," says the crooner. "But where are the chicks?"

I took a gander at Fox News headlines this morning and here's a sampling of what I saw: Boy, 9, Made Plastic Parachute, Took Death Dive (classy touch, Fox) Deaths of 2 Michigan Children Blamed on Flu Brothers Admit Killing, Cannibalizing Older Sibling Teen Stabbed to Death by Woman in Wheelchair I stopped reading there. Nothing like wonderful, uplifting news to start your day, eh?

My good friend Brian has quit his day job and has become a full time Elton John impersonator. He is awesome.

The perils of working night shift... well, maybe "peril" is just a bit overkill, but there are times when working nights can be frustrating. Case in point, I went to bed at 11 p.m. last night and woke up at 2:30 a.m. and just couldn't fall back asleep. I lay there in bed listening to train after train rumble by, the blast of their horns echoing off the woods, until finally deciding to get up at 5 a.m. Of course, I sacrificed an Iguana out in my thinking spot (the garage) while the rest of the house snored, and now seems a good time to update my blog. I guess insomnia is bound to happen from time to time after working seven consecutive night shifts -- and the good news is all will stay up all day and then get back on a day schedule tomorrow after collapsing into bed this coming night. My life is so frickin' rough, huh? No, I'm not complaining. Just thinking out loud on electronic paper. Of course when you lay in bed, the ol' thought machine starts churning...

Tonight for dinner: Hamburger Helper - Sloppy Joe flavor. It's new! Yippeee!!!

Happy Easter to all -- it's a working weekend at our house, so it does not seem like a holiday in slightest. We are both short on sleep and we're just trying to get to Monday. This is my seventh night tonight and it definitely feels like it. Man I'm tired.

Time to update things, although there's not much to say. Our house has been rattled by some nasty stomach virus lately. As posted earlier, Ava was sick a week ago. Yesterday when I got home from work, Beth was not in good shape. She had been up most of the night puking. She felt lousy all day yesterday, but was able to sleep last night and is acting much more like her chipper self today. It was just a quick bug, but it was bad while it lasted. Somehow, I've been able to avoid it so far (he said, feverishly knocking on wood). Baseball season has started once again, a sure sign of spring. The snow is gradually melting, although it is always so slow to melt around our house because we have so many trees. That's okay, though, I'd rather have lots of trees and slowly melting snow versus no trees and green grass at the moment. Trees are good. I've also been noticing lots of robins lately and other little birdies (whose names I can't remember right now), al...

...and at the Branstner's, that means it's PARTY NIGHT! Here's Ava and I in our improvised party hats, enjoying dessert and an ice cold milk... straight, no chaser.

There is a commercial on television which has fascinated me for a couple months. I think it's worthy of blogging about. The delightful Jamie Lee Curtis is the spokeswoman for this product and she tells us Dannon Activia yogurt guarantees digestive regularity in two weeks or your money back. To put in more bluntly, if you eat Dannon Activia, they'll guarantee you'll crap in two weeks. Or your money back. Seems like a pretty safe guarantee to me. And what happens if you don't drop the babies off at the pool within that time frame? I mean, how can you possibly PROVE you haven't pooped for two weeks? Perhaps send the good folks at Dannon a jar of air? Just a thought. And I think it's a pretty good one. If you have any insight, let me know. This is compelling stuff to my adolescent, scatological mind. Jamie Lee Curtis guarantees Dannon Activia will make you go number two in two weeks. Or your money back.

Good news and bad news this morning. The good news is Ava slept all night. No puking! The bad news is when we woke up this morning, this is what we saw outside -- (I wish I could say "April Fool's" but it's for real, folks!): Our privacy fence and clothes line A close-up of the trellis Bird feeders minus the birds. Our backyard A birdhouse in the front yard Our driveway Front yard Front yard