Horse Manure Park

It is the eve of Christmas Eve. We are preparing for the big day here, running around the house, frolicking and laughing, telling tales of Christmas, baking cookies and writing letters to that Jolly Old Elf.  In the evening, we sip steaming mugs of hot chocolate and sing Christmas carols around the tree. Yeah, right. Sorry, but our life isn't this Facebook idyllic.  It's not even frickin' close. In the 1600's, people used to paint a black cross the doors of dwellings occupied by those infected with the Black Plague.  For the past couple of weeks, that black cross has been on our door. We just can't get healthy around here. The Boy and The Girl have each taken turns with respiratory infections, trips to the doctor, negative tests, stomach flu (and all the involuntary spillages that go with it).  The Boy contracted Fifth disease.  The Speaker of the House has had a persistent cough since before Thanksgiving.  I've had a persistent sore th

I always chuckle at those who consider themselves morally supreme to others.  When you look down your nose at others, you eventually run smack into a wall because you are not watching where you're going. Here's an excellent example. Today I read an article about a safe driving campaign launched by the state of South Dakota which had the slogan "Don't Jerk and Drive." What do you think of when you read that? What the state of South Dakota meant was don't jerk your steering wheel on icy roads. But the morally transcendent had other ideas.  "Jerk" can mean "masturbate." South Dakota subsequently dropped the campaign for fear of offending those with divine principles. But here's my question:   Why would the phrase "don't jerk and drive" be offensive unless your mind is in the gutter?  The moral of the story?  Those who are holier-than-thou are just as perverted as everyone else. They probably fart, too.

We are all conditioned to think a certain way, act a certain way, observe the world in a certain way.  It starts at an early age, when we are told to color inside the lines; scribbling over the picture is unacceptable.  Eventually we become "programmed," not unlike lab rats. Most people live inside that box of robotic, predictable thought their entire lives.  Look around you.  You see it everywhere. But children have fresh eyes.  Their point of view comes from a completely different perspective; their thoughts have not yet been clouded or limited by stupid, unwritten rules.  One of the joys of parenting is when your child says something completely outside the box of conventional thinking. And The Boy had one of those moments this week. Almost all of you know that I am a football nut.  My dad loved football and he passed that love down to me. Now, I'm passing it along to The Boy. So last week I started teaching him all of the NFL teams based on their logo (sinc

When I glanced at the calendar this morning, I realized that Christmas Day is just 18 days away. In fact, we are already a week into December and I hadn't even noticed.  I guess I should start paying attention to stuff like months and days.  It all just seems to mush together in one big, sloppy mish-mash of time. I should have known that Father Time was getting ahead of me when I ended up at the Boy's very first Christmas program on Friday.  Could it really be that time of year already? Anyway, it was an enjoyable show.  The Boy is easy to pick out of the crowd.  He's a head taller than his classmates and he looks like his old man. Case in point: at the concert, I ran into a old co-worker who I hadn't seen in over five years, who said, "There is no doubt whose boy that is.  He's practically a clone!" Singing "Away in a Manger." The Boy with a pair of drumsticks in his hands.  Seems perfectly natural if you ask me. Yours tr

Parenting is a tough job.  But I am determined to teach the Tax Deductions good from bad, as evidenced by this video demonstration of the Boy.  He learns quickly.  In fact, he goes so fast, you might have to watch it twice. Still, he's a keeper.