I've heard it said that people look forward to the new year as a new start on old habits. That pretty much sums up the notorious "New Year's Resolution."
When the calendar says January 1st, we are programmed to think our old habits, alive and well on December 31st, will magically disappear into the ether at midnight. We believe we will suddenly turn everything around and become thinner, healthier, smarter...
And for some reason, we
really believe it will happen. Funnier still, we get fooled every single year... for about six days. Then we fall right back to the old routine. Indeed, a new start to old habits.
So as 2013 fades into history, what does the new year hold in store for us?
If we're lucky, another 365 days.
Time to keep it real.
What are my
realistic resolutions for the new year?
I resolve to...
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1. Start washing my hands almost every time after I go to the bathroom.
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| 2. Stop using the word f**k as a verb/adjective/noun in every fourth sentence. |
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3. Stop obsessing over all of Facebook's terrible grammar and start focusing more on the horrendous spelling. One thing at a time.
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| 4. Have a fat bank account and a thin body... and not f**k it up the other way around like last year. |
...note to self: I've already broken resolution #2.
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| 5. Try to "blame the dog" less, although it's so easy to do -- convenient, too. This will be difficult, but I will try. |
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| 6. Lose just enough weight so my gut doesn't jiggle when I brush my teeth. |
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| 7. Hate the Green Bay Packers just a little less. |
[Yeah, right. Talk about setting myself up for failure. Whatever.]
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| 8. Try to think of a better password than "abc123". Perhaps "password123"? |
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| 9. If I ever resolve to stop drinking, I will just remember why I started in the first place. |
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| 10. And until I resolve to stop drinking, I will make better decisions while intoxicated. |
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11. I will stop drinking coffee. What f**k is wrong with me? Have I gone nuts? |
...note to self: broke resolution #2 again. Man, I really suck at this.
Anyway, Happy 2014 everyone! Thank you for reading this mess I call my blog... and please come back soon. There will be
much more to come in the New Year. And that is a resolution I intend on keeping!
