Twenty Years Ago

I didn't post this on the actual anniversary because I just couldn't bring myself to do it, but I think I can now.

Twenty years ago on May 2nd, I lost my mom suddenly and unexpectedly to a massive heart attack.  I was not yet two years out of high school on that beautiful spring day.  It is amazing how fast 20 years can pass. 

Even though it has been two decades now, when spring comes I get this weird sense of foreboding.  Spring is supposed to represent a new beginning; a new life.  But I've never quite been able to shake that feeling of loss when the snow melts and grass becomes green again.  That is pretty screwed up I guess, but the mind can do funny things to a person. 

Speaking of which, it is very odd how the brain can work.  A couple of nights ago I had a dream of my mom.  I hadn't dreamed of her in a long time, but I suppose she has been heavy on my mind over these last couple of days and thoughts of her worked into my subconsciousness.   At least, that's my rational thinking. 

Personally, I like to think she pays me a visit now and then, coming back to check on me from time to time.  Each dream is the same:  we always have a wonderful visit at the kitchen table in our old house, and she always drinks tea out of a white cup with a red "coat of arms" design on the side.  I can hear her voice and see her face as if she is right there with me.  When I wake up, I feel so at peace.  It is very strange.

I still miss her terribly.  I know I'm not the only one.

Here are some pictures I'd like to share...

A very rare picture of Mom and me taken by my dad.  We are standing in front of our house.  I don't know what the occasion was, but it must have been important!

I actually remember taking this picture - I was pretty young - I would guess this is about 1975.  I remember Mom was telling me to be sure to get the dog in the frame.  As you can see, I missed (the dog is at her knees).  Why can I remember stuff like this, but I cannot remember where I put my glasses on any given morning??  By the way, that was my new bike behind Mom - I graduated to a Stars-n-Stripes Evil Knievel bike in fourth grade!

Another picture taken by me of my mom and dad.  They look kind of spiffy in this picture; they may have been heading into town for the Hewitt Days street dance?

This is Mom at Christmas 1989.  I surprised her with an exercise bike, which she really wanted.  Her cholesterol and triglycerides were "too high" and she wanted to get them down by exercising.  Actually, they were off the charts.  If today's technology and medications were available then, maybe things would have been different.  But she didn't have a chance - she would be gone less than six months after this picture was taken.  In fact, this might be the last picture I have of her before she died.

This might be my favorite picture of Mom and me, even though it is not very good quality.  It is Mom as I remember her best: making music... and teaching me while she did so.  This was taken at the Horizon Manor in Bertha, MN.  I would guess this was around 1980.

Another absolute favorite of mine:  Mom was an extraordinary and prolific quilter.  I couldn't even guess how many she made in her lifetime.  Some of my most treasured earthly belongings are her quilts.