What a song can do
It was a rainy day yesterday, so I decided to catch up on some low-priority tasks, such as updating my iTunes with some old songs from my CD collection. It turned out to be a very interesting day of reflection for me.
In mid-1994 I bought Counting Crows' album "August and Everything After." It remains one of my favorites, but one song in particular really moves me, even to this day. Actually, it helped change my life. You see, music does that to me.
A little background: 1994 was a blur to me. I was going through a very tough time. I was 24 years old, had a worthless (so it seemed) bachelor's degree and suddenly I found myself going through a divorce, which totally blindsided me.
My life was a screwed up mess. I had no direction. Life had no meaning. I was angry. I was lost. It would have been easy to give up.
I sure as hell wasn't interested in women. I tried dating, but I hated it. Women were nothing but trouble, anyway.
Then in January 1995, I met her. I wasn't looking for her, but I found her. My world flipped upside down and I fell hook, line and sinker.
I remember listening to this song over and over after I met her and I kept thinking how Adam Duritz, the guy who wrote the song, knew exactly what was going through my bewildered state of mind during those early winter months of 1995.
It's all or nothing.
I don't get no sleep in a quiet room.
I'm not ready for this sort of thing.
But anyone who has been there knows it is one of those things you have no control over.
Every time she sneezes I believe it's love.
Every word is nonsense, but I understand.
So yesterday I played this song several times - I hadn't listened to it in years - and my five year-old daughter said, "That's a great song, Dad."
She has no idea, I thought to myself. I couldn't help but smile; I mean, the kid's got a damn good ear... yet I still found myself choking back a lump in my throat. After all this time. You see, music does that to me.
By the way, during those whirlwind months I decided to follow my heart instead of my head. It was the best decision of my life.
But her name wasn't Anna.
My friend assures me, "It's all or nothing."
I am not worried- I am not overly concerned
My friend implores me, "For one time only,
make an exception."
I am not not worried
Wrap her up in a package of lies
Send her off to a coconut island
I am not worried - I am not overly concerned
with the status of my emotions
"Oh", she says, "you're changing."
But we're always changing
It does not bother me to say this isn't love
Because if you don't want to talk about it then it isn't love
And I guess I'm going to have to live with that
But, I'm sure there's something in a shade of gray
Or something in between
And I can always change my name if that's what you mean
My friend assures me, "It's all or nothing"
But I am not really worried
I am not overly concerned
You try to tell yourself
the things you try tell yourself
to make yourself forget
To make yourself forget
I am not worried
"If it's love," she said, "then we're gonna have to think about the
consequences"
Cause she can't stop shaking and I can't stop touching her and.....
This time when kindness falls like rain
It washes her away and Anna begins to change her mind
"These seconds when I'm shaking leave me shuddering
for days," she says.
And I'm not ready for this sort of thing
But I'm not gonna break
And I'm not going to worry about it anymore
I'm not gonna bend. And I'm not gonna break and
I'm not gonna worry about it anymore
It seems like I should say, "As long as this is love..."
But it's not all that easy so maybe I should
Snap her up in a butterfly net-
Pin her down on a photograph album
I am not worried
I've done this sort of thing before
But then I start to think about the consequences
Because I don't get no sleep in a quiet room and...
This time when kindness falls like rain
it washes me away and Anna begins change my mind
And every time she sneezes I believe it's love
and oh lord.... I'm not ready for this sort of thing
She's talking in her sleep- it's keeping me awake
And Anna begins to toss and turn
And every word is nonsense but I understand and
oh lord, I m not ready for this sort of thing
Her kindness bangs a gong
It's moving me along and Anna begins to fade away
It's chasing me away.
She dissappears.
...and oh lord I'm not ready for this sort of thing
In mid-1994 I bought Counting Crows' album "August and Everything After." It remains one of my favorites, but one song in particular really moves me, even to this day. Actually, it helped change my life. You see, music does that to me.
A little background: 1994 was a blur to me. I was going through a very tough time. I was 24 years old, had a worthless (so it seemed) bachelor's degree and suddenly I found myself going through a divorce, which totally blindsided me.
My life was a screwed up mess. I had no direction. Life had no meaning. I was angry. I was lost. It would have been easy to give up.
I sure as hell wasn't interested in women. I tried dating, but I hated it. Women were nothing but trouble, anyway.
Then in January 1995, I met her. I wasn't looking for her, but I found her. My world flipped upside down and I fell hook, line and sinker.
I remember listening to this song over and over after I met her and I kept thinking how Adam Duritz, the guy who wrote the song, knew exactly what was going through my bewildered state of mind during those early winter months of 1995.
It's all or nothing.
I don't get no sleep in a quiet room.
I'm not ready for this sort of thing.
But anyone who has been there knows it is one of those things you have no control over.
Every time she sneezes I believe it's love.
Every word is nonsense, but I understand.
So yesterday I played this song several times - I hadn't listened to it in years - and my five year-old daughter said, "That's a great song, Dad."
She has no idea, I thought to myself. I couldn't help but smile; I mean, the kid's got a damn good ear... yet I still found myself choking back a lump in my throat. After all this time. You see, music does that to me.
By the way, during those whirlwind months I decided to follow my heart instead of my head. It was the best decision of my life.
But her name wasn't Anna.
My friend assures me, "It's all or nothing."
I am not worried- I am not overly concerned
My friend implores me, "For one time only,
make an exception."
I am not not worried
Wrap her up in a package of lies
Send her off to a coconut island
I am not worried - I am not overly concerned
with the status of my emotions
"Oh", she says, "you're changing."
But we're always changing
It does not bother me to say this isn't love
Because if you don't want to talk about it then it isn't love
And I guess I'm going to have to live with that
But, I'm sure there's something in a shade of gray
Or something in between
And I can always change my name if that's what you mean
My friend assures me, "It's all or nothing"
But I am not really worried
I am not overly concerned
You try to tell yourself
the things you try tell yourself
to make yourself forget
To make yourself forget
I am not worried
"If it's love," she said, "then we're gonna have to think about the
consequences"
Cause she can't stop shaking and I can't stop touching her and.....
This time when kindness falls like rain
It washes her away and Anna begins to change her mind
"These seconds when I'm shaking leave me shuddering
for days," she says.
And I'm not ready for this sort of thing
But I'm not gonna break
And I'm not going to worry about it anymore
I'm not gonna bend. And I'm not gonna break and
I'm not gonna worry about it anymore
It seems like I should say, "As long as this is love..."
But it's not all that easy so maybe I should
Snap her up in a butterfly net-
Pin her down on a photograph album
I am not worried
I've done this sort of thing before
But then I start to think about the consequences
Because I don't get no sleep in a quiet room and...
This time when kindness falls like rain
it washes me away and Anna begins change my mind
And every time she sneezes I believe it's love
and oh lord.... I'm not ready for this sort of thing
She's talking in her sleep- it's keeping me awake
And Anna begins to toss and turn
And every word is nonsense but I understand and
oh lord, I m not ready for this sort of thing
Her kindness bangs a gong
It's moving me along and Anna begins to fade away
It's chasing me away.
She dissappears.
...and oh lord I'm not ready for this sort of thing
