Horse Manure Park

Advertising in America fascinates me.  It also ticks me off. We live in a society of "new and improved."  Everything is better.  Everything is upgraded.  Everything is refined. But when you think about it, what does "new and improved" really say to you? Well, in my world, when a manufacturer comes out with a "new and improved" product, it is something of a mea culpa: a confession that their product really wasn't very good to begin with... We know it sucked before, but now it's better!  Now it's improved!  No, really, it is ! So with this in mind, I put on my pajamas and went to my favorite store, Wal-Mart, to check out the latest advertising gimmicks.  Here's what I found. All of us should be just a little irked when we see this: Orville Redenbacher's Smartpop! popcorn; NEW and improved.  It no longer has saturated fat, which means your arteries will clog less quickly than before. Bleach is bleach, right?  It tak...

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I stumbled upon a few wonderful web sites celebrating the days of LP albums and their fantastic covers.  As we progress more and more to digital music, the LP album cover is becoming very much a lost and forgotten art, but there are some good people out there determined to keep the memory alive. Here are some good ones I found.  I've got a feeling I'll be posting many more in the future. The Yiddish Version of Buddy Holly?  I think so. Nancy Sit.  Nancy beg.  Nancy roll over. (Good, girl Nancy.)  From Singapore... This is especially cool to me, because my dad once told me I was named after Sammy Kaye, the big band leader.  I don't know if he meant that as a joke or if he was serious.  I guess I'll never know, but here is Sammy Kaye and his Orchestra anyway!  Kickin' it with Franck.  But Sinatra he is not. Yvonne sings "Let's Go Gay".  Lost in translation, perhaps? In that deep, dark place in the pit of my soul, ...

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia:   another one of life's beautiful ironies.

There are times that I need a good laugh.  If you need one, please play this.  And if you think I'm making fun of people, let me just say this:  if you're dumb enough to put it on You Tube, I'm gonna put it on my blog and laugh and laugh and laugh....  The picture of Richard Petty in the background is a nice touch.  I wonder what her trailer house smells like?  ...I think I just vomited in my mouth. Anyway, I'll never listen to Lynyrd Skynyrd the same again.  Ever. Can't get enough?  How about a little Dave Matthews Band?!?!

My niece Lisa always finds funny stuff on Facebook.  She posted this and I just had to "steal" it and share it with all my blog readers... especially my brother Dale, the ultimate fisherman.  Dag Gummit!

What do you get when you combine a 10 month old boy and an ice cream sandwich?? A very happy boxer!

When I was a kid, I remember my folks always used to watch Hollywood Squares.  I remember Mom used to laugh till tears ran down her leg.  I would laugh because she would laugh so hard, and now as an adult I can understand why.  Here are some real, unscripted, spontaneous answers from the original Hollywood Squares in the 1970s.  It's hard to believe some of this made it onto the air, but here you go... oh, Peter Marshall is your host. Peter Marshall: Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat? Paul Lynde:   Loneliness. Peter Marshall:   Do female frogs croak? Paul Lynde:   If you hold their little heads under water long enough. Peter Marshall:   If you're going to make a parachute jump, how high should you be? Charley Weaver:   Three days of steady drinking should do it. Peter Marshall:   True or false, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years. George Goble:  Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes. Peter Marshall: ...

Today is Groundhog's Day. I tried to explain the Groundhog's Day concept to Ava, but I didn't get much past the groundhog coming out of his home.  It's a pretty stupid idea when you really stop and think about it, but it's the only claim to fame for the folks of Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania, so I don't blame them for keeping the tradition alive. Anyway, I heard the little bastard saw his shadow.  Sounds like a good reason to shoot him if you ask me. In addition to Groundhog's Day, It is also Weasel Stomping Day in Canada.  Not many people know that. It's also Octopus Stretching Day in Bolivia and Fart Like a Water Buffalo Day in Botswana. Oh, and there's the Annual Kitten Toss in Scotland. Everyone is invited to join the festivities!

The International Committee for Symbols and Abbreviations held an emergency conference this week and unanimously ratified an amendment to change the international sign for choking from this: To this: Thank you and have a nice day.

A doozy of a cold has knocked me out for the count.  I felt poor earlier this week, went to work on Tuesday and started really feeling cruddy.  Now I'm just plain sick.  Sore throat, fever, coughing, sneezing -- pretty classic and crappy stuff. My wife is trying to nurse me back to health.  She made me Russian tea today, like her grandma used to make.  I live in a cave and have never heard of Russian tea, but it is pretty darn good.  This stuff is made with Tang, the same orange drink that I used to enjoy when I was a kid.  But Tang doesn't look like this anymore; nor does it come in a glass jar with a metal lid: Now it comes in just a plain, boring orange plastic container, and plastered across the label are the words:  "New BETTER Taste!"  I just don't understand this type of marketing.  This year Tang celebrated its 50th anniversary.  Why, after 50 years, do they need to be concerned about making it taste better? Mayb...

Oh, the dreaded weekend is here.  I absolutely hate our weekend to work.  Beth and I do not see each other from 8:00 AM Friday morning until 8:00 AM Monday morning.  These three days simply suck.  I think some changes are on the horizon, but we'll see how things pan out. Wanna throw up in your mouth?  Of course you do! No, this isn't pornographic, it's just gross.  Imagine the bacon you could get off this one!  I suppose it isn't nice to make fun of fat people, but damn it, if you're gonna go out in public like this, I reserve the right to laugh at you.  It's that simple.  This comes from People of Wal-Mart , one of the funniest sites on the internet. I needed a laugh.  Now back to the regularly scheduled program.

For those looking forward to pumpkin pie on Thanksgiving... here's how they are really made: (thanks to Shelli and Travis for the e-mail!)

This is absolutely hilarious.  It's only a minute long and will have you laughing for hours!

I hope this doesn't offend anybody, but I thought this was so funny I just howled.  This is a spoof... the Onion is a "fake news" organization made up comedy writers and they are very good and very convincing. Christian Charity Raising Money To Feed Non-Gay Famine Victims

Peyton Manning, Drew Brees and Brett Favre went to heaven.  There they faced God. God asks Peyton Manning first: "What do you believe?" Peyton thinks long and hard, looks God in the eyes and say, "I believe in hard work and staying true to family and friends.  I believe in giving.  I was lucky, but always tried to do right by my fans." God can't help but to see the essential goodness in Manning and offers him a seat to His left. Then God turns to Drew Brees and says, "What do you believe?" Drew says, "I believe passion, discipline, courage and honor are the fundamentals of life. I, too, have been lucky, but win or lose, I've always tried to be a true sportsman, both on and off the playing fields ." God is greatly moved by Drew's sincere eloquence, and He offers him a seat to His right. Finally, God turns to Brett Favre : "And Brett, what do you believe?" Brett replies, "I believe you're s...

My niece Lisa posted this on her Facebook page and it is just too funny not to post on my blog. The cop is trying to get the old man to blow into the breathalyzer -- and let's just say he fails miserably... The best part is the cop just loses it.

Come on, she was a waitress at Hooter's.  I doubt she was valedictorian of her class... and she probably dyed her hair before this picture was taken to avoid the inevitable "blonde" jokes.  Still, this is pretty funny.

My brother Bob is a MacGyver kind of guy. He can fix just about anything. My nephew Rick sent me a funny e-mail with pictures of home-made repair jobs and every single one reminded me of Bob. So in that spirit, here are some more home-made repair jobs I found that you just might find at Bob's place: Bob says, "Don't throw away that empty plastic bottle. I could use an extra sprinkler!" No hot water? No problem, says Bob. Bob's answer to the Hewitt Hilton. Now that's what I call a deer stand. Bob's favorite chair. Good as new. This is how Bob shops at Wal-Mart. It saves time and is a great conversation piece. On those hot summer days, Bob will do anything to stay cool.

Happy Father's Day to all the dads who read my blog. My friend Akbahr from Slovenia sent me a picture today wishing me a Happy Father's Day. I guess something may have been lost in translation... "For to make Father's Day happily to you !"