Hollywood Squares
When I was a kid, I remember my folks always used to watch Hollywood Squares. I remember Mom used to laugh till tears ran down her leg. I would laugh because she would laugh so hard, and now as an adult I can understand why. Here are some real, unscripted, spontaneous answers from the original Hollywood Squares in the 1970s. It's hard to believe some of this made it onto the air, but here you go... oh, Peter Marshall is your host.
Peter Marshall: Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
Paul Lynde: Loneliness.
Peter Marshall: Do female frogs croak?
Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
Peter Marshall: If you're going to make a parachute jump, how high should you be?
Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Peter Marshall: True or false, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
George Goble: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
Peter Marshall: You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
Peter Marshall: Which of your five senses diminishes over time?
Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Peter Marshall: What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"?
George Goble: I don't know, but it's coming from the apartment next door.
Peter Marshall: Why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Peter Marshall: Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any the first year?
Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
Peter Marshall: It is considered bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Peter Marshall: It is the most abused and neglected part of your body. What is it?
Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.
Peter Marshall: Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
George Goble: Get it in his mouth.
Peter Marshall: Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions.
Charley Weaver: His feet.
Peter Marshall: According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.
Peter Marshall: Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
Paul Lynde: Loneliness.
Peter Marshall: Do female frogs croak?
Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
Peter Marshall: If you're going to make a parachute jump, how high should you be?
Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Peter Marshall: True or false, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
George Goble: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
Peter Marshall: You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
Peter Marshall: Which of your five senses diminishes over time?
Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Peter Marshall: What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"?
George Goble: I don't know, but it's coming from the apartment next door.
Peter Marshall: Why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Peter Marshall: Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any the first year?
Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
Peter Marshall: It is considered bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Peter Marshall: It is the most abused and neglected part of your body. What is it?
Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.
Peter Marshall: Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
George Goble: Get it in his mouth.
Peter Marshall: Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions.
Charley Weaver: His feet.
Peter Marshall: According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.
